his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
