yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
