who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
sex in a hospital.. check
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
