I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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