new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
