9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
