Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
