Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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