I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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