Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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