I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
