Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
