Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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