she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
