walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We left the knife in your bed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
