Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
