I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize