Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
