i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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