She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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