Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
