hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
