OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
