lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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