There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
