what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize