You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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