i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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