If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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