i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
