So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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