that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
