So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
