I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
