Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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