just come out here and I will go home with you...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
