My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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