How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
