I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
