i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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