Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
