I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
