I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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