I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
