I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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