it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sorry about my life...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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