I got chris browned last night
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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