I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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