omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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