I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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