end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
