Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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