3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
