I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
