i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
