I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
