Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
