After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
