it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
