Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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