you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
