how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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