I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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