Will you blow on my dice?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
