Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Never joke about your clitoris.
we should paint friendship bongs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
