She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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