There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
