There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
