when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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