I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
