just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
