please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
