Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
