Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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