why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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