maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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