Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
