i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
