Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
