Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
